Tuesday, 6 May 2025

What's Wrong With... The Caves of Androzani


A quick one this I suspect. Is it only the Magma Beast?
Let's get that out of the way straightaway. It's quite an impressive costume, but looks plasticky and is far too rigid, so looks like a costume. It isn't all that necessary for the plot either, as there's so much monstrous human villainy on show - but JNT was insistent on monsters in every story at this point, whether or not they were needed.
Another thing I find wrong isn't anything to do with the four televised episodes. It's other people trying to shoehorn adventures in between Planet of Fire and this one. That the Doctor is sacrificing himself to save the life of a woman he has only juts met is one of the things which make this regeneration story great. Stick loads of book and audio stories in a gap which doesn't exist - including an entirely new companion - and I'm afraid I object.
Peri is wearing the same outfit she was wearing when she left Sarn, and where was that brand new companion in the regeneration scene? Everyone else is there, even the Master, but I see no ancient Egyptians.

As for the story itself, well there's some confusion about just what Spectrox does. Jek treats it like some elixir of life, claiming that Peri will live with him forever, but we know from the chat between Morgus and the President that it only slows down ageing. It doesn't stop it.
A miracle substance which prolongs life ought to be well known across the galaxy, so you do wonder why the Doctor hasn't already heard of it. Is it confined to just this one planet?
It's obviously a capitalist society on Androzani Major, so why isn't it being marketed widely?
Jek knows all about the antidote, and his androids can easily go to the hostile nether regions where the Queen Bat hibernates, so why has he never availed himself of a supply - just in case he or an ally were to accidentally contract Spectrox Toxaemia?

The Doctor claims that Androzani Minor has absolutely nothing to commend it, so why does the Doctor simply not take off again? He's supposed to be treating Peri to the scenic route back to Earth, so a deadly ball of mud in space is hardly worth sticking around for.
(If he already knows Minor, then that makes his ignorance about Spectrox even more unbelievable).
He decides to stay because he's spotted signs of a spaceship landing and wonders why - despite the fact that he has just randomly landed there himself.
Stotz and his men have the right idea. They wear mushroom-coloured uniforms which act as camouflage in this sandy terrain. But multi-coloured shell-suits for Chellak and his men? It's no wonder the war's going badly. They might as well wear big targets.
It's a bit too obvious that Davison is hanging a couple of rubber hearts on a bit of string round his neck when it comes to the android's X-ray POV of the Doctor. They're clearly on the outside of his coat. And we only see the hearts - no other bones or organs.
Lastly, the antidote works remarkably quickly. Why did the Doctor not simply take some himself before carrying Peri to the TARDIS, spilling half of it as he went along? We could have had another year of the Fifth Doctor...
Which brings us to the definitely last thing - why didn't Season 21 just end here?

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