Wednesday 31 January 2024

Story 283: Kerblam!


In which the Doctor receives a home delivery...
A robotic figure materialises in the TARDIS - one of the famed Kerb!am Men. This company is the biggest home shopping business in the galaxy. Their warehouse and distribution centre covers an entire moon of the planet Kandoka. Whilst successful commercially, the firm is suffering staffing issues. The company is almost fully automated, with the robot Kerb!am Men teleporting across space to make deliveries. Other robots - known as TeamMates - crew the facility. Only a small number of humans are employed - which has caused problems with the people of Kandoka, who are suffering high unemployment.
The Doctor's package contains a new fez, which she had forgotten she had ordered. Within the packaging, she discovers a note calling for help.
They decide to go to the moon and investigate. On arrival, they meet head of HR Judy Maddox and manage to get taken on as staff - allowing them to look around under cover.


Staff are given electronic ankle tags, which monitor their movements and prevent them entering areas they are not permitted to go into, based on their role.
The Doctor swaps anklets with Graham in order to get into the packing area, as that is the best place to start looking for their mysterious message sender. Graham is dismayed to find that he is now assigned to being a janitor and handed a mop and bucket by a TeamMate.
Ryan is also in the packing area, and meets a young woman named Kira. He is surprised at her reaction to receiving a gift - but she explains that she has never been given anything before.
Yaz is in the warehouse and meets co-worker Dan, who explains that he hardly ever gets to see his family on Kandoka. The pair swap a task, and Dan is killed a short time later by a TeamMate in a secluded part of the building.


The Doctor meets the warehouse executive, Jarva Slade, and takes an instant disliking to him as she observes him bullying Kira.
Graham meanwhile meets co-worker Charlie, a young man who is secretly in love with Kira - not realising that she shares his feelings.
Odd power losses keep occurring, and an emergency break is called. Everyone gathers in a garden area where the TARDIS crew can compare notes. Yaz tells the Doctor about Dan's sudden disappearance, and this is not the only one according to Charlie, so she decides to confront Slade. They will go to his office to lodge a formal complaint about Dan and the others.
In his office, the Doctor admonishes Judy about the lack of concern for the workers.
They decide to wait until Slade leaves then break back in to search his files. They find it odd that he still uses a pen and paper. His files reveal that he has been keeping notes about the vanishing staff. Judy discovers them, thanks to their anklets, and they tell her of their suspicions about her boss.


The Doctor comes to realise that the automated systems of the company are working against the human employees - which is why Slade uses old-fashioned tools. They assume he is responsible. In the company's  foyer is one of the original Kerb!am delivery robots, and the Doctor realises that it will not be connected to the current systems. She steals it and reactivates it.
They discover that Kira has been called down to the lower levels, which are no longer in use. She has been lured there with a Kerb!am delivery. They rush to the area and spot her in a sealed room, just as she opens her parcel. Charlie shouts a warning but she cannot hear. As she bursts the bubble-wrap, she is disintegrated. Ryan realises that Charlie knew exactly what was going to happen.
It transpires that Slade is not the villain they thought he was. He has been monitoring the situation but is not responsible. He couldn't tell anyone of his fears as he distrusted the automated systems, and wasn't sure if Judy was involved.


The person behind the sabotage and the disappearances is actually Charlie. Kira's death had been a tragic accident. He has been testing weaponised packaging - explosive bubble-wrap which activates when popped. He intends that millions of potentially lethal packages will be despatched across the galaxy. His motivation is the company's disregard for human workers' rights. Kerb!am, by concentrating on automation and robots, is responsible for mass unemployment and misery on Kandoka, and Charlie wishes to punish the company by destroying their reputation.
A whole army of Kerb!am Men has been assembled, ready to be sent out to customers.
Charlie is a genius, pretending to be otherwise to secure a menial role where he would not be noticed. The company systems have recognised his tampering and taken action to stop him. It was the company computer which sent the message to the TARDIS.
The Doctor programmes the prototype delivery robot to send a message to the robots to deliver their packages here. She urges Charlie to get out of the way but he refuses. Their packages explode - destroying them and killing the young man.
Judy and Slade agree to improve working conditions for the  staff, and to recruit more people over machines.


Kerblam! was written by Pete McTighe, and was first broadcast on Sunday 18th November 2018.
This was McTighe's first work on the series, and he has since gone on to produce the trailers for The Collection Blu-ray box sets, many of which have become sequels to classic stories of the respective seasons.
The title may roll off the tongue, but the story, unfortunately, leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
Despite the sudden saintly behaviour of the boss and his Head of HR at the end, the story appears to be siding with the big corporation against the workers.
Imagine if the Doctor joined forces with the Musks, Bransons and Bezoses of this world to defend them against their staff, struggling to establish a nascent trade union.
Yes, Charlie is a terrorist, who has killed a number of workers as part of his scheme, but like all extremists he believes whole-heartedly in his cause and thinks that what he is doing is the right thing. Ends justify means. But he is not out for power, or wealth, or anything for himself. He's fighting a system on behalf of ordinary working people, who want to work, but there's a massive corporation limiting its workforce to just 10%, concentrating on cheap automation.
The people who are fortunate to work for Kerb!am are treated like slaves - not even getting time enough off to see their children.
It's a story we see today - sweatshops, slave labour gangs and employees forced to work in unsafe conditions - underpaid and overworked. 
Having a nice smiley people-person in head office doesn't make things any better.


That people-person, Judy, is played by Julie Hesmondhalgh. Employed of late by RTD in his Cucumber / Banana series, she had also starred in the third season of Chibnall's Broadchurch. It was as transexual Hayley in Coronation Street that she first came to fame. She has also just featured in Mr Bates vs The Post Office, which has had a huge political impact in the UK in recent weeks.
Playing Jarva is Callum Dixon.
There's a cameo appearance for "comedian" Lee Mack as the unfortunate Dan. He has his own sitcom and fronts a prime time Saturday night quiz show, but I'm afraid I fail to find him either funny or entertaining - so I'm glad he  gets little screentime.
Charlie is played by Leo Flanagan, best known for Waterloo Road, whilst Kira is Claudia Jessie - a regular on period drama Bridgerton.


Overall, it could have been a good old-fashioned style of story - a satire on globalisation and the way corporations abuse the people who bring them their wealth, but its sympathies lie in the wrong direction for me. Fans of the Voc Robots and their Heavenly Host cousins will be happy, whilst others might see the TeamMates as pale imitators.
Things you might like to know:
  • First TV story to have an exclamation mark in its title, though they've appeared in spin-off media titles.
  • Two past Doctors are referenced. The fez is synonymous with the Eleventh, and the Doctor uses Venusian Aikido - the martial art form favoured by the Third.
  • "Robophobia" is also mentioned, and as mentioned above, the robots do strike one as similar to the killer Vocs of Robots of Death.
  • There are scenes in the packing area where the TARDIS crew have to descend to the lower levels, avoiding the automated systems. This is heavily influenced by the Geonosis foundry sequence in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
  • Chris Chibnall attended his farewell party in a Kerb!am Man costume.
  • The Kerb!am Man at the Worlds of Wonder Exhibition in Edinburgh in 2023:

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