Friday 24 July 2020

SJA 5.3 - The Man Who Never Was


In which Sarah Jane Smith is invited to the press launch of a revolutionary new laptop computer from Serf Systems. What is so special about this event is that IT entrepreneur Joseph Serf himself will be attending. He has been a recluse ever since a serious skiing accident a few years ago. Luke has returned home from university for a visit. He, Clyde and Rani are raving about the new computer, which is known as the SerfBoard, joking that it could replace Mr Smith and K9. Luke and Sky are invited along to the rehearsal for the press launch. Sarah is delighted to be reunited with her old editor Lionel Carson, but is surprised he should be here as he dislikes computers. As Serf gives a speech, Luke and Sky notice a tiny glitch in his face as he speaks. Everyone present is given a free SerfBoard, and Sarah is shocked to find that Carson adores it. Everyone present thinks it the greatest personal computer they have ever seen.
Back at the attic, Sarah has Mr Smith replay Serf's speech, after Luke and Sky tell her what they witnessed. True enough, they see the glitch. Sarah deduces that Serf did not survive the skiing accident, and what they saw was a hologram. Dropping a hint that she is aware of this, Sarah arranges an interview with Serf, which is overseen by his personal assistant, a man named Harrison.


Sarah confirms that Serf is indeed an advanced hologram as Luke and Sky infiltrate the company HQ's basement. There they discover a number of small alien beings, wearing monk-like cowls and with a single eye in the centre of their foreheads. They are not hostile, however, and urge the youngsters to flee, whilst Harrison takes Sarah prisoner. He has a pen which is really a control unit, linked to collars which the aliens - a species known as Skullions - must wear. Their leader, Plark, informs them that this can induce pain to force them to obey him. Harrison bought them as slaves in the black market which exists for aliens and their technology. They have been forced to create the hologram of Serf which they operate from the basement. It has a hypnotic facility which makes people believe everything the hologram tells them. Back at the attic, Clyde and Rani have had Mr Smith examine the SerfBoard, and have discovered that it is a very basic machine, with no special features at all. At the press launch, which will be broadcast globally, the hologram will be used to make everyone believe the claims about it - making Harrison a fortune.


Clyde and Rani don their smartest gear and decide to infiltrate the event, posing as a married couple who are IT journalists and who are stuck at an airport. A young cleaner - Adriana - is also held captive with Sarah, Luke and Sky, after she spotted one of the Skullions. Luke is able to send a message to Mr Smith via K9's dog whistle. Clyde and Rani are instructed to get Harrison's pen away from him, swapping it for one of their own. Mr Smith sends a message to the planet Skultos, notifying them that some of their people are held captive on Earth. Having escaped, Luke and Sky must operate the hologram to stop Harrison realising they are free, and have released the Skullions. The hypnotic control is used on the audience to make them take the pen from Harrison when he realises the deception. Carson destroys it. The hologram is then used to announce that the SerfBoard is useless. Everyone flees to the roof where Harrison threatens to kill Sarah, but the Skullion spaceship arrives in time to save her. Harrison is taken aboard along with Plark and his fellows. He will be taken away to see what a life of captivity is like for himself. Now out of a job, Sarah points Adriana towards UNIT, having been impressed with how she handled herself.
Back on Bannerman Road, Luke had initially been reluctant to see Sky take his old room. Now that he has met and worked with her, this is no longer a problem and he accepts her as part of his family.


The Man Who Never Was was written by Gareth Roberts, and was first broadcast on 17th and 18th October, 2011. It marks the end of the fifth season of The Sarah Jane Adventures - as well as being the final story of the entire series, following the tragic death of Elisabeth Sladen that Spring.
The story manages to include all the main cast, as Tommy Knight makes an appearance as Luke, meeting his step-sister Sky for the first time. Sadly, he has left K9 back in Oxford.
The story moves on the possible romance between Clyde and Rani as they pose as a couple.
There are two main inspirations evident.
The first is the obsession with technology, in particular the need people feel to buy the latest version of a product they already possess - which doesn't really do all that much more than what they've already got. This is particularly noticeable when it comes to mobile phones and computer gaming consoles. There is also the issue of the veneration of certain individuals in the IT sector - people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. The latter had just died a week or two before this story was broadcast, so parallels between Serf and Jobs would have been more noticeable at the time.


The other inspiration is the comic strip The Numskulls, who first appeared in The Beezer in 1962. These were tiny people who lived inside a man's head and who "operated" him, controlling the brain, mouth, ears etc. The strip moved to The Beano in 1990, before ending in 2013 in The Dandy. In 1993, the Numskulls no longer worked inside a man but a younger boy. These are clearly the inspiration for the alien Skullions, and even the name reflects this.
The leader of the Skullions - Plark - is played by regular Sontaran actor Dan Starkey.
The villain of the piece - Harrison - is played by James Dreyfus, who has since gone on to portray an early version of the Master on audio. Serf is Mark Aiken, an Irish actor who has featured in US series such as 24CSI:NY and CSI:Miami. Playing Adriana is Edyta Budnik, who has since appeared in Coronation Street and Killing Eve.
The other notable guest artist is Peter Bowles, who plays Sarah's old friend Lionel Carson. Bowles came to prominence in the BBC sitcom To The Manor Born, but genre fans will also remember him for a guest appearance as an alien psychopath in Space:1999.


Overall, a perfectly fine story to end the series - all the regulars getting a share of screen time, though the story does have to concentrate on the first meeting of Luke and Sky. Naturally, we would have liked to have seen a special set of episodes to conclude what had been an immensely enjoyable series, but sadly this was not to be.
Things you might like to know:
  • Three further stories were planned for Series 5 - 'Meet Mr Smith', 'The Thirteenth Floor' and 'The Battle of Bannerman Road'.
  • The name Joseph Serf is a nod to Patrick McGoohan. He used this alias to direct a couple of episodes of The Prisoner - a series which also featured Peter Bowles as a guest artist.
  • The Skullions are name-checked in an episode of TW: Miracle Day, in relation to the black marker it aliens and their technology.
  • As the series had come to a premature end, a new ending was put together. This included the speech first spoken by Sladen from the end of the first series, with unused material added. Clips from earlier stories were shown, which included the Tenth Doctor, K9, Maria Jackson and Jo Grant.
  • On Elisabeth Sladen's passing, Russell T Davies never considered recasting the part and so ended production on the series. He then devised a new CBBC series named Wizards and Aliens, which included some story elements which would have featured in The Sarah Jane Adventures.
  • The last words on screen state that Sarah Jane Smith's story goes on forever... The recent lockdown productions designed to accompany the tweet-a-long viewings sadly elected to bring that story to an end. You can choose to ignore these, as they weren't broadcast on BBC TV, and some of them are, quite frankly, rubbish. The Sarah Jane Smith one was well done - very moving - but I'm electing to ignore it. If you accept one of them, you're obliged to accept them all and, as I've said, some of them are crap. For me, she's still out there, fighting the good fight.

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