In which the Doctor is visiting the Earth colony on the planet Mendorax Dellora. It is Christmas Day, 5343. He is annoyed at the TARDIS trying to cheer him up, as well as being disturbed by someone knocking on the TARDIS door - a man named Nardole. He has been sent to fetch a medical doctor from this street, and mistakes the Doctor for him. He in turn thinks that Nardole knows who he is and it is him he is looking for.
After they have left, an old man with a surgical bag wanders past, somewhat lost.
They walk to the edge of the village and come across a saucer-like spacecraft half buried in the snow. Nardole's employer descends a ramp, and the Doctor is pleased to see that it is River Song. However, she is unfamiliar with this incarnation and fails to recognise him - also believing him to be a medic who she has contracted.
Inside the spacecraft he discovers that Nardole is actually River's husband - or rather one of them. Another is the bloodthirsty King Hydroflax, Butcher of the Bone Meadows who is said to eat the bodies of his enemies, who is here onboard. It is he who needs the medical assistance. Over the years he has been injured in battle so often that only his head remains of him - housed in a large red robotic body. This has its own artificial intelligence and can function independently. River shows the Doctor a scan of Hydroflax's head, which reveals a gemstone buried within it. This got there when Hydroflax was caught in a blast whilst trying to seize it. It is the Halassi Androvar - the most valuable diamond in the universe.
It transpires that River cares nothing for this particular husband - it is the diamond she is after. Should he die, all the better actually. The Doctor is alarmed at how murderous River can be away from his influence.
However, Nardole reveals that the King's millions of followers will be observing the operation.
The robot sets out to find its head and does so by decapitating Nardole to use his - learning the location of the TARDIS landing site. At the TARDIS, the Doctor discovers that River has been borrowing it behind his back. He has to pretend that he has never been inside before and feigns amazement at the greater size inside than out. River finds that the TARDIS will not dematerialise. She hears Ramone at the door and lets him in - only to find that he too has fallen victim to the robot body, and his head has joined its collection. The reason the TARDIS would not dematerialise was that it was registering someone as being both inside and outside the ship at the same time - Hydroflax's head and body - so a safety measure kicked in.
Once both parts are inside, the ship travels to a massive luxury space-liner - the Harmony and Redemption. They lock the robot in a vault, whilst River goes to meet the people she has arranged to give the diamond to, taking the King's head with her.
The blue-skinned insectoid Maitre'D, Flemming, takes them to the dining room. River explains that the passengers on this ship have two things in common. They are all fabulously rich, and they are all responsible for millions of deaths, being dictators, war criminals and arms dealers.
River's contact is a man named Scratch, who has a livid scar running across his face. He is a member of a group known as the Shoal of the Winter Harmony.
Just as River is about to hand over the head, Scratch reveals that his group worship King Hydroflax as a god, and they want the diamond to please him. Not only that - all of the other diners in the room turn out to have the same scar on their faces. They are able to open their heads up and conceal objects within - such as the credits they are going to pay to River for the diamond.
Flemming, meanwhile, has been forced to open the vault and release the robot. When it threatens to take his head, he offers it the Doctor's instead. He is unaware that he is already on board, but knows that River can summon him.
The Doctor and River attempt to flee but are stopped by Flemming and the robot. It scans the King's head and notes that it is medically no longer viable, and so reduces it to dust.
With no-one realising yet who he really is, Flemming suggests threatening the Doctor in order to make River call on the Time Lord to come - so that his head can grace the robot. It is only now that River finally realises that she has been with the Doctor all along. They manage to escape the room and make for the bridge. They are passing the planet of Darillium. River selected this day for the transaction as she knows that this is the date when this spaceship will be struck by meteoroids - just in case anything went wrong.
The crashing spaceship heads for the planet, and the Doctor gets River into the TARDIS just before it hits. They are both knocked down, with River rendered unconscious. The Doctor goes outside to see the famous Singing Towers - a pair of rock formations which make sounds as the wind blows over them. Everyone on the ship perished and the Doctor meets one of the local rescue crew. He gives him the Halassi Androvar, and suggests that this might be a good location for an exclusive restaurant. The Doctor then travels forward a few years to find it up and running - but with a lengthy waiting list for a table. He makes the booking and travels forward to the date in question, as River wakes up in the TARDIS.
The robot survived the crash and is working here now, still containing the heads of Nardole and Ramone.
The Doctor has always known that this would be the last time he sees River before her death in the Library, and she is aware of this. They have one more night together - but the Doctor points out that a night on Darillium lasts 24 years...
The Husbands of River Song was written by Steven Moffat, and was first broadcast on 25th December, 2015 - making it that year's Christmas Special. It marks the final time that River Song has featured in the series (to date), and introduces the character of Nardole, who will go on to become a series regular. That would have to wait, however, as it had been announced that there would be no new series in 2016. The next Doctor Who episode would be the following year's Christmas Special.
Allegedly, this was mainly due to the heavy work commitments Moffat had on Sherlock - despite it only comprising three episodes every couple of years and had a co-writer in Mark Gatiss. The BBC were also undergoing one of their periodic shortages of money at the time.
As it was, the 52 week gap would be partially filled by a new spin-off series set in and around Coal Hill School - Class.
Husbands is basically a crime caper with screwball comedy trappings, of the sort Hollywood produced in the 1930's onwards. These invariably threw two characters together who were initially antagonistic towards each other, usually in a situation over which they have little or no control, but by the end of the piece the pair are romantically involved.
Moffat could have simply had the Doctor and River knowing each other as before, but he mixes things up by having her not know who he is, and he goes along with this just to see where it will lead.
We discover that River often takes the TARDIS when he isn't looking, and has even made adjustments to it behind his back (such as the addition of a drinks cabinet behind one of the roundels).
This provides one of the highlights of the episode, as the Doctor has to pretend that he is amazed by the TARDIS interior dimensions.
The conclusion also allows for a bit of timey-wimey-ness as the Doctor shifts the TARDIS forward a few years at a time to set up the restaurant, book a table once it's built, then arrive on the night of the booking, all within a few minutes.
It's all played for comedy. The only people who get killed are the ones who all deserve it anyway. Both Nardole and Ramone may lose their heads, but get to live on as part of the robot.
The guest cast is led, naturally enough, by Alex Kingston as River. Chris Chibnall obviously missed a trick by not having her encounter the Thirteenth Doctor. That would have made for an interesting meeting.
Joining her as Nardole is Matt Lucas, famous for Little Britain and other comedy series. His Little Britain partner David Walliams had already guested in The God Complex as Gibbis.
The other husband, Ramone, is played by Phillip Rhys. He has appeared in a number of US series such as NCIS, Bones and 24.
The main guest star, playing King Hydroflax, is another comic actor - Greg Davies. Star of the sitcoms Cuckoo and Man Down, he has recently been chairing the popular Taskmaster. He has to spend all of the episode either encased in the robot costume, or sitting under things with his head poking through, including a fake TARDIS console panel.
The villainous Flemming is Rowan Polonski, in a make-up reminiscent of Chantho in Utopia.
Scratch is Robert Curtis. We will be seeing more of his kind in the next festive special.
He had previously appeared in The Sarah Jane Adventures as a security guard in Prisoner of the Judoon.
Scratch is Robert Curtis. We will be seeing more of his kind in the next festive special.
The rescue worker who is given the diamond is a character named Alphonse, and he's played by Chris Lew Kum Hoi. He featured in Russell T Davies' adaptation of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Finally, the robot has its own voice - that of actor Nonso Anozie. You may have seen him playing Oberon in that RTD adaptation of A Midsummer Night's Dream, opposite Matt Lucas and the late great Bernard Cribbins amongst many others.
Things you might like to know:
- The street where Nardole encounters the TARDIS is rather too obviously the Trap Street set from Face the Raven, redressed.
- In this story we finally get to see the Singing Towers of Darillium, and the Doctor gives River her sonic screwdriver, knowing she will be heading for the Library after this.
- River is aware that her life may be ending soon as her diary is almost full - and she knows that the Doctor would have known how many pages she would need.
- She has a wallet containing images of all the previous 12 Doctors, hinting that she has met the earlier ones as well as the ones we've seen on screen. There are 12 images as the list includes the War Doctor. In Time of the Angels she had claimed to have pictures of all his faces.
- First Night / Last Night - the mini episodes contained on the Series 6 DVD / Blu-ray box sets - are referenced, when River talks about meeting two different versions of the Eleventh Doctor, and he had cancelled a visit to the Singing Towers.
- This is the eleventh Christmas Special - but the first not to feature any action on Earth.
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