In news sure to shock people who are quite easily shocked, it has been revealed that Premier David Cameron and President Barack Obama are going to jointly announce that the months of the year are to be renamed after the Doctors.
A spokesman said (allegedly): "We need to get the Special Relationship back on track. We thought about waiting for Scotland to become independent then invading it, but that might meet with too much consumer resistance. Casting about, we realised that the calendar has been a mess for centuries. How can the tenth month be called October - which my nephew tells me is latin for 8? You've got latin numbers, Roman emperors and Roman gods. It's a mess, and we've got to sort it out. Now that there are 12 Doctors, and to celebrate the 50th Anniversary, we will be putting forward a special resolution at the UN to have the months renamed".
This supersedes the previously announced announcement that the months were to be lengthened and cut to seven - to be named after the seven dwarves. This was felt to be a bit too Disney and might not go down well anywhere that wasn't in America. No-one wanted a birthday in Dopey...
From 2014, we will now be celebrating the New Year on the 1st of Hartnell. Valentine's Day will be celebrated on 14th of Troughton. Independence Day will fall on the 4th of McCoy. You can shoot grouse from the 12th of McGann. Christmas Day will be 25th of Capaldi.
Personally, I will look forward to celebrating my birthday on the 4th of Pertwee...
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